Part II

Getting used to being on dialysis was the easy part, really.  I pack my little tote bag with blanket, pillow, iPhone, iPad, Ear Buds (a must), a snack and off I go like a good little soldier to battle my failing kidneys with a lifesaving machine. Once there I am tethered and essentially stay put for about 4 hours.  No, I can not get up, move around etc. Going to the bathroom is a monumental task, I literally have to come off the machine; there is a process to every area of dialysis, saline, heparin, lines, clamp this, turn off that. Every minute off is that much longer I have to stay there! Now there are many ESRF (end stage renal failure) patients who ( not being gross but....) they stop peeing altogether. Me not the case. I still go, so when I gotta go, I gotta and so begins the on/off dance during dialysis which is annoying and frustrating.  Takes more time, and when I go it's only like 3 drops anyway so what's the point! I am oh so close to buying adult diapers for my time on the machine.  I hear they are making them stylish now, Hey if Lisa Rinna can wear them, why can't I ;).

Now for the hard part, the suckiest part that they don't really tell you about until you are staring down the nose of failing kidneys. YOUR ACCESS.  Every person on dialysis has an access; a means to which treatment is delivered. There is a perm-cath (catheter) which I have proudly donned since the beginning. and there is the fistula which has to be created. It is created by a a vascular surgeon during a surgical procedure in some part of your arm.  Now the fistula is considered the best access but it is an up hill climb to its use. You get it and then you are told that in 12 magical weeks or so you will be able to use it and the fairy godmother of dialysis will smile upon you. Um, bullshit! It takes months for it to "mature" and throughout this maturing time it is constantly being surgically tweaked.  But as soon as you can use it you can get the Catheter out, oh, did I mention that you can't get the catheter wet? Oh, I forgot that lovely point. So I haven't showered since September, well not exactly. I have these wonderful, and expensive "catheter covers" that I tape to the right side of chest and over my shoulder as to not get it wet. Showering used to be relaxing and enjoyable way to start my day, now it stresses me out as my husband has to swath me in these plastic covers. Let me just say, HE IS AWESOME!!! more on him later :)

So dialysis on the catheter is painless, Happy to say, but is not ideal. You don't get as good a treatment as you would with a fistula. My fistula is taking a while to get going. It's been many months of waiting to use it, and as I am just beginning to use it. It is  much more difficult than I would've have thought.  Just so you know, dialysis with a fistula requires needles, 2 large ones. Need I say more. I am not a wimp or anything, I can take it, I watch octogenarians do this 3x a week. Yeah, no, I can't take it.  But what choice do I have? NONE. That is the one thing about being an ESRF patient you don't have choices. The doctors and nurses say JUMP  and you say HOW HIGH. You have no control of any of this. Now I am not a control freak or anything, but I woman who likes options and the right to make choices. Well, my friends I am sorry to say that having a choice is not an option for me.