Take deep breaths

As a dialysis patient you are often faced with the challenges of extreme anxiety and sadness and physical pain emotional pain and it is sometimes hard to deal with these things.  Sometimes you don't even realize how difficult it is.  I spend most of my time trying to stay positive and stay calm but sometimes my emotions and the anxiety of being on dialysis and the unanswered questions as to when I would get a kidney transplant get the better of me. this week was a difficult week for whatever the reason, lots of little things went awry and I just felt like I was teetering on the edge and it was very hard to stay calm and positive and relaxed under the circumstances. So when I'm sitting at dialysis having all this anxiety the one thing that everybody says over and over again is take deep breaths and sometimes that helps but sometimes it doesn't and this was one of those weeks where just taking deep breaths did not help. There are too many unanswered questions in my head most of the time and not knowing when this trip, journey, experience whatever you want to call it is going to go to the next phase makes the anxiety that much greater. I know that I just have to be patient and keep taking those deep breaths and focusing on being positive and keeping a smile on my face. Most of the time works, so I guess I'll stick with that until it's time to go forward.

The Saga Continues

Hi there, I know, I know it's been a long time. You can say it you've missed me.  Well I've missed you too. I don't know why I stopped writing so abruptly and why it took so long to come back. But, here I am ready to share the trials and tribulations of being a dialysis patient.

To be perfectly honest not a lot has changed. I have to say this dialysis thing has become pretty routine. It is my job and so I get up and go, and when I come back I'm just a mom and wife. I still have to cook and clean and schlep and fetch and find and help with home work and all that stuff. Oh, I have one added benefit though, I do get to sleep and watch TV at my job (LOL).   It's a fairly mundane scenario.  For those of you who live in the Northeast, you know we had a lovely (NOT) winter. It was long, brutally cold, snowy and made my mood oh that much better.  It really sucked!!
I celebrated my 42nd year at dialysis, yeah that pretty much was the worst birthday ever! Happy Birthday! Allow me to stick to giant needles in your arm and lay here still for the next 4 hours.  Yeah the winter was difficult, but now that it is over and spring is officially in the air along with pollen and crap (insert sneeze). I am looking forward to sunshine, longer days, more time with friends and relaxing by the pool.

I guess this is my coming of hiding blog today. Don't get me wrong it isn't all bad. We are very blessed and my son made is Bar Mitzvah in the fall which as any Jewish mother knows it is one of the more dining moments in your life. And given my circumstances it made the celebration that much sweeter.  I did get to travel to Florida and go to Disney World again just in April, so I have got the Florida dialysis thing down pat. However after driving for 20 hours to Florida I had to go right to dialysis that wasn't fun.

I am still searching for a kidney donor. I am blood type B, but can receive from O as well. It is tough to wait for something and hope for something that you know you will get but have no idea when. I don't like open ended. I am a closure kinda girl. I like to know there is a beginning, middle and end. I am believe or not I am still at the beginning. A very long beginning, so far a year and a half. Yes, time flies when your having fun.